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Don't Call Us, We'll Call You

    Two years ago I moved to a new neighbourhood. There seem to be very few people in this area who are without telephones, so I expected to get a new phone quickly. I applied for one as soon as I moved into my new house. "We aren't supplying many new phones in your area," an engineer told me.
    "A lot of people want new phones at the moment and the company is employing fewer engineers than last year so as to save money. A new phone won't cost you mush money, but it will take a little time. We can't do anything for you before December." You nees a lot of patience if you're waiting for a new phone and you need a few friends whose phones you can use as well. Fortunately, I had both. December came and went, but there was no sign of a phone. I went to the company's local to protest. "They told me I'd have a phone by December," I protested. "Which year?" the assistant asked.

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How the Other Half Lives

      Lord Manners was a rich and famous banker. When he died, he was given a magnificent funeral which was attended by hundreds of famous people. The funeral was going to be held in Westminster Abbey. Many ordinary people lined the streets to watch the procession. The wonderful black and gold carriage was drawn by six black horses. The mourners followed in silence. Lord Manners was given a royal farewell. Two tramps were among the crowd. They watched the procession with amazement. As solemn music could be heard in the distance, one of them turned to the other and whisper in admiration, "Now that's what I call really living!"
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The Mystery of the Talking Shoe

     Tracy Evans didn't have to be at work till ten, so she ignored her alarm clock. But she woke up with a start when she heard a stange sound coming from her wardrobe. What was it? It must have been a mouse, Tracy thought. No, it can't have been. She knew there were no mice in her room. I must be careful, Tracy said to herself as she opened the wardrobe. There, in front or her, was the lovely pair of wedge-shaped sandals she had bought the day before. Then she heard the sound again. "It must be Coming from my sandals!" she cried. She picked them up and, sure enough, one of them was "talking". Tracy had to be at work at ten, but she still had enough tome to visit Mr.Lucas, her shoemaker. He removed the wooden heel and they were both amazed to see a white larva eating the wood. Mr.Pope, of the Natural History Museum, solved the mystery. "These shoes must have been imported from brazil. An insect must have laid its eggs in the tree from which the shoes
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Who has the last say?

Some people are always saying that they don't built cars as they used to be. What nonsense! I walked round the beautiful new Ferrari again, admiring its lines, when my thoughts were rudely interrupted. "Will you be here long?" a voice asked sharply. "I haven't made up my mind yet," I said, loolking up at a sour-faced traffic warden. "Well, you can't stop here," he told me "Who says so?" I asked him cheekily. "I said so," he said to me. "It says here," he added, "in case you can't read. "No, waiting"." "You read very well. Go to the top of the class! I told him, "but I'll make my own decisions." "oh, will you?" the traffic warden asked. "Then so will I and I've decided to give you a ticket, " he said to me with relish as he began filling out a form. "Go, ahead,"I told him."This car doesn't belong to me anyway. I
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